(wise) postcards from London - Words of a word while visiting her here.
There are two kinds of people in the world. People who proactively want something. They know the art of dreaming and wanting. But then, there are people who haven't really wanted anything. They don't want anything. They are happy, proud little individuals living in their world with anything and everything that they can and can't have. All settled. All happy.
Until one day, a feeling comes in. You're caught unaware. Something you never knew you'd had to feel. Something you didn't ask for.
It comes un-welcomed. Doesn't knock. Doesn't tell. It seeps into your skin and spreads gradually. Making you suffer. You run away from it. You can't. Every attempt at cure seems to fail. The problem with it is, you can't even let it be. Because the pain is so intense at times, that it can't let you sit still
It makes you feel so vulnerable, so exposed that you fear others may look at you and realize that you are infected. You can't hide it yet you can't deny it. Its weird. It comes and goes. Makes you so numb to the world happening around you. You attempt to fill up that space with other things. But it just remains. Stubborn. You feel helpless. You are disappointed at your loss.
Because you know, even if the feeling is healed, even if the vacuum is filled, you may not want the thing that fills it. For the intensity of its absence is so painful that you are too scared to face its presence. You very well live the brutality.
After this pain, only something eternal can fill it perhaps. Nothing human. Not even the reason, the entity, the being that caused it unknowingly.
Its not a feeling. Its living with cancer, not knowing when you'd reach the point of indifference. You see that beautiful pathway in the park there? You want to hold your hand and walk yourself to the point of indifference. Right there.
There are two kinds of people in the world. People who proactively want something. They know the art of dreaming and wanting. But then, there are people who haven't really wanted anything. They don't want anything. They are happy, proud little individuals living in their world with anything and everything that they can and can't have. All settled. All happy.
Until one day, a feeling comes in. You're caught unaware. Something you never knew you'd had to feel. Something you didn't ask for.
It comes un-welcomed. Doesn't knock. Doesn't tell. It seeps into your skin and spreads gradually. Making you suffer. You run away from it. You can't. Every attempt at cure seems to fail. The problem with it is, you can't even let it be. Because the pain is so intense at times, that it can't let you sit still
It makes you feel so vulnerable, so exposed that you fear others may look at you and realize that you are infected. You can't hide it yet you can't deny it. Its weird. It comes and goes. Makes you so numb to the world happening around you. You attempt to fill up that space with other things. But it just remains. Stubborn. You feel helpless. You are disappointed at your loss.
Because you know, even if the feeling is healed, even if the vacuum is filled, you may not want the thing that fills it. For the intensity of its absence is so painful that you are too scared to face its presence. You very well live the brutality.
After this pain, only something eternal can fill it perhaps. Nothing human. Not even the reason, the entity, the being that caused it unknowingly.
Its not a feeling. Its living with cancer, not knowing when you'd reach the point of indifference. You see that beautiful pathway in the park there? You want to hold your hand and walk yourself to the point of indifference. Right there.
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