Be there.

Feel.

Feel intently from the joys of enthusiastic attachment to the lows of fading away.

When the world comes running to you

When all your boundaries of self shatter down on the ground.

When the world catches you off guard, subtly manipulates you

Shrewdly makes you vulnerable

To its sweet dependence

Be there. For it will pain when it departs. When it starts to fade away.

Be there to the pain of denial.

Be there to the pain of acceptability

Be there to the pain of knowing that the pain won’t last

Be there to the remembrance

Be there to the knowing that remembrance won‘t last

Let yourself be outwardly torn. Shattered. Broken.

Let it shuffle you. Move you.

Let it do whatever it wants, while your inner self stays calm.

But when it begins to depart.

Be sure to hand over your ego, your self, your boundaries to it.

Be sure to become nothing. Absolutely nothing outwardly.

And then surely, will the inner peace emerge to become the You

The You that you were meant to be.

Be there. Be there to gracefully witness.

For, through igniting the pain in you

He wants you to feel the pain of around.

With the pain subsiding, let the aware self talk to the Universe

The Inner Self now has been injected with the Power

The Power to Feel, to Heal what’s there in the world.

And then, you understand the purpose of all.

The pain in you was to help you become aware of the pain in the universe.

It was to make you heal.

It is the right of the world leaving from you,

To protect the rest like He protected your inner self. 

Thirst, Joy and Love.

Why are you gulping down so much water? The mother asked, concerned looking at her young kid. 

Because I won't be getting water for the next 18 hours! How would I survive. The kid responded back while hurriedly taking glass after glass. 

So you're afraid of dehydration? The mother continued. 

Don't know about dehydration, but yes, I am scared that I'd get thirsty which I know I will. The kid was now on his 4th glass. 

So you think you're not going to feel thirsty for the next 18 hours because you're drinking 10 glasses right now? She smiled. 

Yes, well, of course. Isn't it so. I don't know the science. I just want to sustain this feeling for the next 18 hours. I didn't know what thirst was, until, well I kept my first fast and went outside to play in the heat. That thirst made me realize the worth of quenching the thirst. The son was confused. 

She smiled and began. 

"When we all are born, we all are surrounded with Love and Joy. We all grow up experiencing Love and Joy in one way or the other. That tender hug, that mom's attention, that daddy's gift, that teacher's smile, that aunty's food. Each offers a taste of Love, of Joy. We all are well fed on it. However, subtly, somewhere, silently within us, there are boundaries growing. Each bad food, each bad taste, each interaction lacking Joy and Love construct boundaries of ego around us. Brick after brick. So much so, that we lose track of the Joy and Love and become accustomed to living within our ego boundaries. We now view each act of Love, each act of unconditional Love with suspicion. We inspect it. investigate it. Even shun it away thinking that it must have some strings attached to it. 

We become thirsty. We become thirsty of Love of Pure Joy, of Pure Exhilaration that we had once experienced. One touch, one hug, one smile, one act of Unconditional giving, one glance of somebody we really like; we began craving these moments. We become clingy, looking for these moments in our daily lives. Fishing for them. And when we do experience them. Our reasons suspend. Our rationality and thinking halts. We experience Pure Joy. Pure Love. Be it in the moment of talking to a kid on the street or listening to the knowledge of a wise. You want to gulp down those moments like a kid preparing for his fast. You want to sustain the feeling of Satisfaction, of Connection. You just don't want to feel Thirsty. 

The problem is, gulping moments like glasses of water can never ensure that we will not be thirsty in the coming hours. Trying hard to make moments eternal can never make them eternal. Denying and then rejecting those moments as nothing but unreal and temporary joy/love doesn't help either. For those moments are as Real as Him. The closest you can get to experiencing His Love, His Joy is through experiencing these Moments right here right now, through His people. 

Thirst is a naturally occurring phenomena. It has nothing to do with how many glasses of water you gulp down in the morning. it has to do with your internal system. 

If you gulp down moments while you are internally disconnected with the Real Love, your moments will remain temporary. You'll keep on gulping down water sehri after sehri in the hopes of not feeling thirsty till the evening. You'll remain at internal conflict. 

If you experience moments with the Belief that its the Glimpse of Him

If you experience moments with the Faith that its sent by Him

If you give in those moments with the emotion that its for Him

With your thinking suspended, your rationality aside, You Live to Experience Him. His Joy. 

If you Realize that those moments, those people, those joys, those loves are nothing but sent by Him then You'd continue experiencing them. You'd never be thirsty. You'd be at peace. You'd be connected to the Lover of Lovers."

After that, the mother got up and started clearing the table. The kid seemed lost. He said, "Wow, mom, sometimes, I am amazed at the way you teach me wisdom.".

She turned back and responded, "I am just a mom. Now imagine, He who is countless times closer to you than me, Imagine the ways and moments through which He teaches you wisdom  and talks to you."

And then, you understand. Your start of internal peace is when you Realize, that He sends down Love & Joy for you through His people. Every single day. Every single time. Become His agent o spread the moments together, forever, everywhere. 

Listen

Listen. 

Listen intently to the Silence in which and with which He speaks to you. 

Listen to the streams of thoughtless voices and meandering hope

Strip away your armors of manipulating joys. 

Crib away your attempts to feel the pain. 

Do away your language. 

For its of no use. No not anymore. 

Delete each word and replace. 

Replace it with Silence. 

Listen. 

Go feel him in your mosque. In your synagogue. In your church. In your mandir. 

Wherever, whichever sect, whichever language. Just listen. 

Look up and smile to His Silence. Look down and shudder to His Silence. 

Listen to the absolute language of Nothing.

For He is not saying anything. Nothing until you surrender and Listen. 

Listen intently to the Silence in which and with which He speaks to you. 

For someday, You'll understand His Silence. For today, just Listen. 

Ports

I asked her (21 years old inspiration of mine who I recently met) if I could write something about her; reproduce her comparison/understanding of life. She just texted me back telling me I could. So here I am. Just reproducing her thoughts. 

There was lake next to the place I grew up. I didn't know what dirty and pure was. I didn't also know what good and bad was. I didn't recognize the bugs from flowers. I just enjoyed all that came. Like everybody else, I just went there every afternoon, taking a swim across, enjoying the weather and coming back home. 

I didn't ever pause to reflect why it was called the black lake. Neither I ever realized why some people often went missing or discontinued from the swim after sometime. I just continued enjoying the way I lived. 

But then, one day, I was taking a swim when I noticed a small injury. It grew big the next day. It kept itching. Like dirt accumulated, the patch dark and there. Few days later, I noticed another injury. 

Each injury slowed me. Bogged me. Gradually, it restrained my energy to swim the way others did. I sat on the shore, envying while the rest took the evening swim. Then, came along a doctor. He took my hand and led another lake. I told him I couldn't swim because of the injuries I had gotten. He insisted that I swim. 

Then, one day, giving into his insistence, I took the dip. I dipped and swam. It hurt and burned the injuries there. Each dip gave the sensation I detested. Each swim wasn't the dream swim I was used to once upon a time. Each minute, each second of it was terrible. Each rub plucked and made fun of my injuries. After a while of detesting and combating it, I gave in. I let the pure crystals of the water hit each wound. Each of it. One by one. I let the warm rays of sun burn through. I let it happen. And then, I was healed. The wounds disappeared. People think I am a fool rejoicing the fresh water lake swim which caused so much pain to my wounds. 

I just sit there and smile. Because The joy of swimming in the fresh water lake can never be understood, it can only be felt. Because you can see the wounds caught from the pettiness disappearing; one by one releasing in the fresh water lake like heavy ships release its accumulated metal dirt in fresh water ports. 

Pain.

Walking down the park one pretty evening, I saw a guy sitting on the bench. He seemed so familiar. His expressions had a mystical power. He was sitting staring into the wide, calmly. I felt I have seen him before. Actually, I have met him before. 

I walked towards him and slowly asked if I could sit with him. He budged a bit towards the right to let me sit. 

I asked him where have I seen him before. He smiled and said, "Yes, we have met."

"But where" I asked. 

"A lot of places at a lot of times", He replied. 

I was confused. So we just sat there in silence, until he decided to strike a conversation. 

"Imagine. You were born with no hands, no sight, nothing. Just a skeleton you. Trying to survive on this planet. Scared of sights you can't see, voices you can't hear. You would've then perhaps pleaded to have something. Something you wouldn't even know what to call. Let's assume, He would've then given you sight. You would've started seeing things. Exploring. But then, you would've felt the urge of holding things. You would've again felt this indescribable need. And then, He would've given you hands. 

Imagine the worth, the importance you would've then attached to what you take for granted today. 

But He didn't do that. Instead, He sent you in a complete form. Equipped with all that you need to survive and stay in this world. He sent us with the realization, the inherent knowledge for all our senses and abilities. 

But there is one thing which He put in us as dormant. Its worth is only realized when we realize its absence."

"And what's that?", I asked him. 

He began. 

Its Pain. Its me. A four letter word describing an emotion, a feeling that you all have felt. 

I am sitting there with the mother that delivers. With the caterpillar that turns into the butterfly. With the one who yearns and wants to Feel. With the little kid mute by his society's evil ones sitting in the corner of some planet right now. 

I am there, felt by the heaviness of an eye of a clinically depressed or bipolar human that nobody seems to comprehend. I am there when a young teenager, lost in the egos of lust seduces his beauty to inevitably become the damsel in distress for his prince. 

I am even used and manipulated and exploited to gather sympathies and attention. 

But mostly, I am there to Heal. 

Only when you start embracing me, do I turn my devoid and vacuum into the pleasure of Healing. 

I reside truly in the Heart of the Soul, patient with pain, yet so impatient with Healing. It is this yearning and feeling of Pain that people turn to their religions and seek comfort and peace. They seek answers to their wounds in the Healer of Wounds."

Just as he said so, she began to cry. "But I never asked for this. I never asked for you. i never asked for pain. I asked for God. I didn't want worldly love. I wanted His Love. Why then, did He put me through you?". 

He smiled calmly. "You see, that is where you are wrong. You don't believe in worldly love as real. You believe the only Love Real is His Love. His Love is as real as this worldly love. Because this worldly love is the part of His Supreme Love. How do you expect to experience His Love when you confuse the worldly love as unreal. Each time, you asked for Him, He gave you a feeling like no other. He sent the feeling through human, through relation unexpected. He blessed you with Pain. The Yearning that is needed to be felt so that you feel Him. 

Tell me my child, have you ever been this close to God of your Religion before? No. It was because of this love on this planet, unsaid feeling of power and separation, from a person, from a thing that doesn't even know. When God puts you worldly love, the worldly attachment becomes a teacher. A teacher who doesn't himself know the levels on which he is healing you. And it brings me. It brings pain."

There is so much to pain. The beauty of Learning. Feel it for only lucky souls feel so. 

Feel the Pain to Heal your Wounds my child. This is Real. 

Adel, Zartosht & Murteza

Adel was a simple man with a simple living style. Often, when he was surrounded with personal problems and felt himself battling within, he would pick up his son and visit the nearby park to distract himself. 

That day, Adel was sitting in the park enjoying the evening breeze with his son, Zartosht. 

Zartosht was a very interesting boy. He was also somewhere the source of annoyance for his father. He could not bear to be left alone. He always needed attention. He would start throwing tantrums if ignored even for a second. 

While sitting there with his father, Zartosht was happily busy playing with his toys, while Adel was assisting him in making a small castle. 

After a while, a little boy, in shabby clothing came and stood nearby. His eyes spoke of unsaid desire to come and join them. Upon noticing the boy, Adel gestured him to sit with them. Murteza, the little shabby kid joyously walked up to them and sat timidly near Zartosht. At first, Zartosht seemed happy. He shared his tools and motioned him to help him construct the castle. Murteza reluctantly joined. 

Murteza's hands seemed like that of a craftsman. He began crafting detailed windows on the castle of sand, making the foundations stable even amid the thick grass. Adel was very impressed. He started talking to the little kid. They spoke of his orphaned life, how his father died, where he lived and what he did for food. 

All what Murteza spoke was seemed to vanish Adel's pain. Murteza's each word seemed to dissolve Adel's problem, bit by bit. Even if it was for just two hours, it was worth the liberation Adel felt from himself, his inner battle.

Adel was so engrossed in listening to Murteza and somewhere secretly feeling guilty over his petty problems, that he forgot all about his son, Zartosht. Suddenly, he heard Zartosht crying. He got up and frantically looked around for his son, who was now standing in the middle of the road alone. 

He ran, picked up his son and brought him back to where they were sitting. Upon asking where he had gone and what was he thinking, Zartosht replied how he just felt sad and ignored by Adel and decided to go and talk to the kids standing near the bus stop. However, the kids began bugging him and pushed him on the road where he felt stranded. 

He hugged his son, smiled at Murteza and resumed chatting. The trio then made the castle together while Zartosht was happy to be back in the comfort zone, Murteza was happy to be helping them. 

As the sunset and it was time to head back home, Murteza smiled and thanked for the company. Adel smiled back, secretly thinking it was actually Murteza that had helped me feel better about his life. 

We all are like Adel. We all have inner struggles, battles, problems, daily issues. We all have a son, Zartosht. Zartosht is our set of problems. Always demanding our attention. If ignored, our problems are subconsciously routed and wrongly channeled to vulnerable modes of expression - through anger, through depression, through strangers we don't know. It cannibalizes the joy we are capable of feeling in Now.

Murteza is like other's problems and societal sufferings. Sufferings that often come and sit with us to make us realize the worth of what we have. We should give them time. But talking to them should not distract us completely from our own problems. 

If Murteza outside is not helping us see Zartosht within in a different light, then there is no point of Murteza sitting there with us. 

If sufferings outside are not helping us see our problems differently, then there is no point of distracting ourselves with the sufferings outside. 

For True Healing occurs only when we sit with our problems face to face with the world. 

Home

"Amma, tell me that story again today.."

"Which story beta?" She asked hugging him close. 

"The one you always tell. About that little kid who couldn't find his way back home?" The five year old blinked his eyes innocently. 

"Phir say? (again)?"

"Yes, every time you tell me the story, it feels like a new one." He sat up eagerly waiting for amma to start the fable. 

"Once upon a time, there lived a kid with his father on the near start of a dense jungle. His village, his school was located at the other end of the small but dense jungle. When he grew up older, his father told him to start going to the school alone. The kid, at first, was very excited at the idea of being empowered and going alone. On the first day, he happily set out, confident in going to the school alone. He managed quite well and reached the school on time. However, on his way back, whistling and singing, he lost his way mid jungle. He searched and couldn't find the way back to his house. Finally, after hours of exploring the unknown, he got back on the track and reached home late. 

His father was worried. The kid seemed scared too. He did not want to go alone the next day. So, smiling and patting his back, the father suggested to leave a mark on the route which he could trace back after school. "That way, you won't lose track of your Home" The father exclaimed. 

Next day, the son set out again. This time, happily equipped with little bread crumbs, dropping little by little on his way to the school. Sadly, however, on his way back, he couldn't find those bread crumbs. The birds had all eaten them up. Hence, he was lost again. He explored. He searched. He couldn't find. Yet again, it took him hours of exploring the unknown. 

Finally, when he was back Home, he hugged his father tight and decided never to venture out alone again. However, the father smiled again this time, and motivated the kid to try something else instead of the bread crumbs. So the kid decided to drop little pebbles on his way. However, this time, on his way back, the pebbles were half there, half not there. The kid was disappointed. While almost near his Home, he again lost his way. He explored. Searched. Sensed. Fortunately, by now, he had been accustomed to the dense but small jungle. He was not as afraid of losing track as he was on the first day. Perhaps, because he had began trusting the fact that eventually, he will find his way back home.

He happily reached Home that day. For the next day, He ventured into the forest, enjoyed the rain on the way, spoke a little to the birds he had made friends with during the first few days when he had lost his way. He knew the joy of Finding his way back Home."

We often lose our way. We often find ourselves in a maze. We often realize that we're standing far from Home. Far from Him. Each time when we do find the Home, we hug Him and tell Him not to let us lose our tracks again. Only to find Him patting our back and telling us to go back into the thick jungle. He sends us, makes us lose our way, makes us explore more. He calls us back. Then He sends us again. It repeats. Until we become accustomed to the jungle. Until we truly realize to find our way back in any and every way..back to Him. Back Home. 

Me & the Fool.

Today, I saw a fool. He was running after me.
The more I ran from it, the more it ran after me.
I ran and hid behind the tree, and there, I found him standing right behind me.
I walked slowly, whistling in the park, and then as he slowed down, I ran away.
I ran and ran, never looking back.
I ran to my favorite swing.
I ran to my favorite toy.
I ran to my best friend.
I just kept running. For I was annoyed. And scared. I didn't want to face the fool.
Whole day, from early morning to bright afternoon.
I did nothing but run. I ran from the fool.
I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep.
I wished and hoped and prayed that I'd wake up to no fool around me.
But he, he was always there.
The summer heat wave was making it worse.
I was tired. Exhausted.
So I looked up. Squinted my eyes, trying to look into the Sun.
And just when the Sun was getting at the peak, the fool began disappearing.
The more the Light, the shorter the fool became.
Slowly and gradually, it dissolved into me.
The fool - I, disappeared. While here stood nothing but Me.
Inhaling deeply the indescribable power of Around.
The flowers seemed pretty. The smell of Grass. The feel of wood. The wonder of rain. The beauty of birds. The laughter, the joy, the cries, the sadness, everything just seemed so Beautiful. So now. So Me.
In the Now, In the Present, there is nothing but Me and Present. No fool. Nothing to run after, nothing to run for.
Pure Joy, Pure Peace, Pure Love.