Confines of time and the Vastness of Knowledge

There are times when you feel the minutes/the hours are nothing but purposeless limitations on the vastness of Universe. The concept of time itself when jailed in the definition of practical ticking on the clock seems too demeaning and frustrating. 

How can one even think of limiting the discussion of Universe, Creation, Existence to this jail of time?
Is it not undermining the very vastness, the very depth and the very profoundness of Life?

You're talking about billions of years and gazillions of ideas supporting existence and evolution. 

You're talking about the Knowledge learned, unlearned, torn, developed, twisted, reformed, used, unused over all these years. 

Heaven - The way I see it.

This is the first time, I think I am admitting to the fact that "literal" description of Heavens did not fascinate me enough as a child. 

As a kid, the Heavenly descriptions of long beautiful flowing rivers of milk and honey and castles in lush green mountains did not act as the instruments of keeping me away from sins. 

Not undermining its very existence, I feel the following feels more like Heaven to me. It feels like the Journey of all journeys which I'd willingly take. 

I have a mineral water bottle. I quench my thirst from it. Every hour of the day. But it ends. The water ends.

I find a bigger bottle. I quench my thirst from it. Every day. But it ends. The water ends.

I find the canal from which I can fill the bigger bottle. I quench my thirst from it. Every month. But it is inconsistent. It turns to snow in winters and dust in summers.

Compelled by my thirst and tired of inconsistencies of all the sources, I continue my Search.

Till I find the Sea.

Today, I swim in the Sea of all seas. In the Water of all waters.

I drive pleasure from the Master of all Pleasures. I seek certainty from the King of all Certainties. I see the Reality of all realities.

My thirst has gone. I am satisfied with the Satisfaction of all satisfactions.

I am the creation, sitting with Its Creator.

I am where Peace is.

Goodness

At times, I imagine how “Goodness” would be feeling at this point in time.

Imagine your utter definition being taken; hijacked, raped, twisted, turned and ripped off in gazillion pieces to suit 7billion perceptions.

Goodness is choked and suffocated in the chambers of relativity. It is dragged to the courts of highest illusions and questioned on its existence. It is brutally murdered in the verandas of our mind. It is tied in chains and shackles and humiliated on the roads of “pseudo intellectualism and development”.

It is flirted and tossed around in the candle lit jails of romanticism. It is fascinated and painted on the canvas 

to please the worldly beholder.

And somewhere, somehow, the Definition of Goodness stays. Intact. Protected. Breathing its natural breath. No matter how much 7 billion of us try to burry its real Definition, it surfaces; miraculously and magically. It lets us do all we want to do with it. It allows us to twist it and turn it till only we get tired.

And once, we’re tired; it resurfaces again. Shining its eternal light. Imparting wisdom and sharing secrets with those who are truly in search of it.

It is by far, one of those few surviving concepts of the world which have fought evil not by just proactively combating it, but by silently staying firm and intact in face of torture.

Goodness is not being good to all. Goodness is the wisdom of differentiating the Light from the absence of Light. Goodness is not bowing down to the master evils of the world regardless of what they do. Goodness is keeping your head high in face of oppression and injustice.

Goodness does not take the short cut of forgiving all. It says know who to forgive and who not. For if you mistake Goodness with forgiving all; it will give evil yet another chance to claim victory.

Goodness is identifying the Real Regret and Apology from a fake one. It says to forgive those who deserve to be forgiven; for their surrender to Goodness can turn generations of potential Evil to a mass awakening of societies.

Goodness is so independent yet so powerful a concept, that evil camouflaged as humanity is still insecure of it. Evil disguised as Niceness still demands the approval of Goodness. 

Blue Sky

Our mind has the capacity to think, feel and experience beyond just the manly limitations of definition. We grow up believing in the limits like a little kid who thinks the sky above is a blue wall covering the planet. While trying to reach that blue wall above, the kid never arrives at it. And in his attempt to go up and up and up, he rigorously fights against his it own limits. he constantly resets and sets new limits. and before he knows, he has grown beyond the paradigms of our thinking conventions. He has not redefined but liberated the brain from any form of any definition. 

Pond

One day, I was sitting alone by a small pond. Its a pond I had grown up with. Since childhood, it had been my favourite resort. My friend in times of sufferings, shoulder in times of  challenges. Its presence had always cast a magical spell of calming me down. Stripping me of my worldly emotions and frustrations, engulfing me with the serene sense of peace.

But today, I just sat there. I badly needed its magic to cast its spell on me yet again. But it didn't move. It lay still. Frustrated with pretending to be patient, I shrugged my shoulders, got up and got closer to have a look at the pond.

To my surprise, the water seemed dirty. It seemed full of filth. Now I knew where all my stripped away worldly emotions were going. The pond was just accumulating it within. Letting me free everytime, but taking the burden on itself. Today, I could see years of emotions floating on the top; its harsh presence piercing me from within.

The pond should have discarded these emotions; the pond never told me it was accumulating these worthless past pieces of me. Deranged at the state, I nevertheless, decided to stand up and clean the pond.

From dawn to sunset, I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. Of every single layer of my past that I could see floating on the water.

At the sunset, the pond sparkled, reflecting the warm setting rays of the sun. I smiled proudly at my successful venture and walked away.

Days past by, and I found myself sitting by the pond again. This time, it seemed clean as I had left before. With a sigh of relief, I sat there glancing at the reflection of the universe on it. Suddenly, as if taking the time by refuge, a storm stirred. The pond suddenly seemed to be struggling, its waves dancing wildly in the confines of its space.

It was just seconds before it settled. But when it did, I was dismayed to see the state of the pond again. The water seemed brown. Filthy. Reflecting a blurred vision of reality. It was a dismal sight. I wondered why. I had just cleaned it few days back.

Thinking to myself, I launched yet another expedition to clean it. Again.

Over the next few years, the episode repeated. Again and again. It became my routine. Tired of it at first, frustrated at times, on the verge of giving up often; I still continued. I combated and cleaned every time the pond seemed dirty.

It seemed the pond had accumulated decades of my emotions within. Its base had rotten with my filth, my instabilities and my worldly possessions. Every time I cleaned, a new storm brew the stable state of water, unsettling the base, bringing up a new set of underlying layer of filth.

When I realized the ultimate cleansing taking place, I started liking it. I welcomed every storm; for I knew it was going to spring up and cleanse my heart, my pond from deep within.

I combated. I continued.

Till one day, at the sunrise, I saw a pond like never before. It reflected nothing but Reality. Reality which spoke of Ultimate Truth. Reality which illuminated nothing but what was around. It showed me what I had never seen before. It showed me my Being. My Absolute Existence.

My Heart, My Pond was finally clean, I could Finally see not what I wanted to; but what I Needed to.

In Search of an Eternal Obsession

I liked crawling. I loved it. Until I learned how to walk. I loved walking. It gave me the sense of independence.

I liked apple juice. Until I discovered tea. I loved it. Until I sipped coffee. I fell in love. I become hooked to it. Till the time I gulped down wine. It gave me the indescribable high. I loved it. Till today. Today, I am craving for something better than wine. Something which can transcend me and elevate me above constant loves and obsessions.

Some sort of stubborn devoid always reappears. Cannabalizing my soul. Feeding the apparent body yet not satisfying the soul. A vacuum that makes me realize of my two needs within. a need of basic instinct which I share with animals. And a need which I can't describe. A thirst for eternal obsession I can't express.

Dwelling within, the need for sustainable satisfaction just grows. Every apparent bubble of satisfaction bursts after a while. Yet I fall. I fall every time to the deceptions of timely satisfactions. I fall for every incoming mirage in the hopes that this will last. That this will quench the thirst of my soul.

I hated and detested every mirage. Because I used to fall for it knowingly. Until now.

With every deception, with every fall after a temporary rise, I realize, I am moving toward the ultimate quench. Its like life is giving you an opportunity to know, to fall, to explore  all your options before meeting the Ultimate Obsession. Before Feeling the Eternal Addiction.

For I know for a fact, once I meet the Eternal Addiction, the deceptive mere small obsessions will just fall into their places of satisfying my apparent needs.

While my soul will be high on the Real Love and Satisfaction, I wouldn't mind meeting all the small mere obsessions and addictions.

While I'd be flying in the sky, I wouldn't mind crawling and walking once a while. For I would have tasted, lived and experienced the power of Ultimate Obsession.

Man Khushaal Hastam - من خوشحال هستم

Today, I asked Zarminey (6year old Afghani green-eyed beautiful girl outside The Forum Mall) what happiness meant to her. She just blankly stared back. I repeated again, and again. She just couldn't understand. I was surprised. Because she's the most talkative person I know after me. She finally shrugged her shoulders and cracked a joke about the guard picking his nose.

And that's when I got my answer.

There are two kinds of happiness in this world.

One is natural, innate. The one we're born with. It’s a natural state of mind. Just like we're breathing, our heart's beating; similarly, we're naturally in a state of happiness/contentment. However, the more we acquire materialistic possessions (beyond our needs), we drift away from this natural state. We start limiting happiness. We start drawing its boundaries. And before we realize, we have confined happiness/contentment in complicated paradigms. We have put in stereotypes and conditions. We have attached strings to it. We have drawn a line between what makes us happy and what doesn't.

And that confined state of mind is called illusion of happiness. Wherein, we feel bouts of happiness after acquiring every next materialistic possession. Those moments are nothing but a mere mirage of happiness drenched in materialistic achievements.

Yearning to make those moments of pleasure last, we hop from acquiring one materialistic achievement to another, only to experience the collapse of mirage after every few moments. Every single time, our mirage breaks. We misread our strength to fight. And so, we leap to another possession, in the false hopes of achieving lasting pleasure. It is like expecting to stay alive on the ventilator till death.

With every hop away from nature, we move away from the real happiness. It is the natural state of mind. It can't be described. The definition for real happiness doesn't depend on worldly adjectives and conditions. It is just there. In you. In me. In everyone. It is essential for your survival. For my survival. Our mind might fool us; but our organs, every single one of them is still thriving on this very sense of contentment/happiness.

We were born with it. It is the only True Feeling.

Asking Zarminey what happiness meant to her is asking a human what breathing means to him.

Playing with her dupatta and giggling away, I asked her to teach me how to express happiness in Persian. She smiled and said “Man Khushaal Hastam” [  من;خوشحال هستم] and in that sentence somewhere, she taught me how to breathe again.