Today.

Sorry Zainab.

I am sitting where three years ago, Sibte Jafar chacha's body was taken for burial. It is a graveyard seemingly away from and tucked peacefully behind the unrest of the city.

Three years ago something changed. It is the day when I lost my uncle. Days, months and years that followed made me realize more than what that day alone could. I haven't just lost him. I lost my connection to the love for knowledge. His energy and excitement when undertaking absolutely any discussion; his ability to stir so swiftly away from shallow issues to bigger ideas of Life.

Today, few sit here. In communal suffering. We have lost him and with time I have realized I have lost so much more than who I thought  he was.

There have been so many moments where the urge to call him and seek answers has caused immense sadness.

No words. Loneliness within. Silence. Void. Sorry Zainab, wish you were as lucky as me.

Wish you were here today Sibte Jafar chacha. For all the minutes and hours you stole from your schedule for my random projects and ideas. For the seriousness with which you gave me time. The seriousness with which you discussed. May you rest in peace and may we somehow just somehow yet a bit of your glimpse in us. May just somehow magically we become a little as human a you.

Ishq.

میں نے جب جب اس کی نافرمانی کی اس نے تب تب مجھ کو نوازا
اس کے نوازنے سے میں ڈر گیا کہ وہ کیوں نوازتا ھے جب کہ میں نافرمان ہوں

اور پھر میرا دل اداس ہوا اس بے تب تب مجھے سنبھالا
کبھی اپنے انسانوں کو میری اداسی دور کرنے کاوسیلہ بنایا کبھی میری سوچوں کو

اور جب میں تھک گیا
ہار گیا حالات سے سہم گیا
جب اجالے میں بھی اندھیرا نظر آیا
اور بھول گیا اس کو بلکل
تب بھی اس نے مجھے نہ چھوڑا

جو میں نے چاہا اس نے مجھے وہ دیا

کبھی نواز کے کھبی بنا نوازے اطمینان دے کر
وہ مجھے ہر روز با قایدگی سے یاد کرتا ھےوہاں سے جہاں سے میری سمجھ ختم ہوتی ھے

میری اس سے دوری کے خوف میں بھی وہ بسا ھے
میری نافرمانی کے خوف میں بھی وہ بسا ھے
وہ میری نافرمانی پر بھی مجھے اتنا چاہتا ھے

وہ مجھے بن یاد کیے اتنا یاد کرواتا ھے
وہ مجھے بن مانگے کیا کچھ نہیں دیتا

کبھی میں سوچتی ہوں کہ اگر میں اس کےعشق میں اس کی عاشق ہو گئ تو وہ مجھے کتنا چاہے گا

Today.

I stopped writing.
Words come and go.
Thoughts sit and converse if they catch me paying attention.
We meet over a cup of coffee or a book. They remind me to post them later.
Smell of half finished cup of coffee lingers still in the air mixed with the half baked half remembered thoughts.
I fail to write though.
Promising myself never to succumb to the world of attractions and illusions, I had connected well with thoughts, ideas and words.
Poor grammar and spelling could not stop the passion with which conversations danced through.
At times often while scribbling or typing out a post, I'd feel my fingers dance. A little dance of Love. A little fusion of sitar and tabla. A little conversation.
Today I sit and blink. There's coffee but no aroma. There are words but no thoughts. Today I write as a robot. Today I write as a crash cart attempting to rejuvenate the soul within.
Today I come back and sit, patiently waiting for place where I had last left God.

Love.

Dear Zainab,

There are 365 days in any year. 196 countries and 6500 number of languages. This planet celebrates Life. It has approximately 7 billion souls striving to live. At the end of any given day, there can be nothing as sure as each of 7 billion intending to live a life of joy and peace. There are couples trying to have babies. There are couples holding their cameras still as their babies try to say their first expression of Love.

There are families. There are relationships. There are interactions. There are conversations. There is positivity.

Almost all cultures and languages celebrate Life. Festivities. Festivals. it is what keeps them going. All festivals ground in the theme of Human nature. Love.

You then fortunately are sitting on a broad spectrum of choice. Choose the culture, the festival that you want from the canvas to express and resonate Love.

There is no such thing as Faith standing outside of Love or Love standing outside of Faith. There maybe poor interpretations, egoistic biased accounts of history restricting an additional expression of Love. But know well Zainab, your faith will never hinder you from celebrating Life and Love. What will and may hinder is maybe your lack of knowledge of your own Religion and/or faith.

Just like you can say another extra prayer on days of Mairaj, ShabeBaraat or celebrate the joys of Prophet's birthday, just like you can cut the cake on your birthdays and wish the arrival of Spring and New years, You can pick a flower on a day of Love.

Your mom once cracked a joke about Valentines Day. She told her father how some cultures believe in partners gifting flowers on 14th February to each other. To her surprise, your grandfather got flowers for your grandmother the same day. They express love and teach us to cherish the same in numerous ways around the year. But he - the old man with little knowledge about other cultures, did not consciously stop himself from expressing it in a different way  on 14th February. In fact, he went ahead to cherish it.

And that is the best gift partners can ever gift their children. By cherishing the love in all ways they can. For it is only through the cradle and the warmth of your home that you learn to Love. Love in ways unimaginable. For the world. For the God. To the world. To humans, for humans.

It is the most natural force on this planet and your faith cherishes it. All aspects of it.

Focus on Love and all else will follow. If nothing, say a little prayer for those yearning for love. Be with the ones looking for it. Conspire to make people be together.  Marriage and companionship is the most beautiful and by far the most peaceful expression of Love. Conspire for boring couples to meet. Help them reignite the passion of Love they maybe seeking.

For anything, do not deny the most natural force of soul to soul connection. The most beautiful way of connecting with the Divine.

Out of all things, Dear Zainab, know/acknowledge/believe that there maybe people sitting alone, wishing and hoping they had happier lives/more fulfilling or lovelier moments, do not, even for a second hesitate to help them see the lovely happier and chirpy side of life. Heal their bitterness and empty experiences with your Love. Hold their faces and turn them to see the blossoming side of their own life.

Make this world fall in love again. Make humans fall in love again. With cultures, knowledge, other humans and their own selves.

Be the Magic my love. <3

Love.

Dear Zainab,

There are 365 days in any year. 196  countries and 6500 number of languages. This planet celebrates Life. It has approximately 7 billion souls striving to live. At the end of any given day, there can be nothing as sure as each of 7 billion intending to live a life of joy and peace. There are couples trying to have babies. There are couples holding their cameras still as their babies try to say their first expression of Love.

Their are families. there are relationships. There are interactions. there are conversations. There is positivity.

Almost all cultures and languages celebrate Life. Festivities. Festivals. it is what keeps them going. All festivals ground in the theme of Human nature. Love.

You then fortunately are sitting on a broad spectrum of choice. Choose the culture, the festival that you want from the canvas to express and resonate Love.

There is no such thing as Faith standing outside of Love or Love standing outside of Faith. There maybe poor interpretations, egoistic biased accounts of history restricting an additional expression of Love. But know well Zainab, your faith will never hinder you from celebrating Life and Love. What will and may hinder is maybe your lack of knowledge of your Religion and/or faith.

Just like you can say another extra prayer on days of Mairaj, ShabeBaraat or celebrate the joys of Prophet's birthday, just like you can cut the cake on your birthdays and wish the arrival of Spring and New years, You can pick a flower on a day of Love.

Your mom once cracked a joke about Valentines Day. She told her father how some cultures believe in partners gifting flowers on 14th February to each other. To her surprise, your grandfather got flowers for your grandmother the same day. They express love and teach us to cherish the same in numerous ways around the year. But he - the old man with little knowledge about other cultures, did not consciously stop himself from expressing it in a different way  on 14th February. In fact, he went ahead to cherish it.

And that is the best gift your partners can ever gift their children. By cherishing the love in all ways they can. For it is only through the cradle and the warmth of your home that you learn to Love. Love in ways unimaginable. For the world. For the God. To the world. To humans, for humans.

It is the most natural force on this planet and your faith cherishes it. All aspects of it.

Focus on Love and all else will follow. If nothing, say a little prayer for those yearning for love. Be with the ones looking for it. Conspire to make people get married! Marriage and companionship is the most beautiful and by far the most peaceful expression of Love. Conspire for boring couples to meet. Help them reignite the passion of Love they maybe seeking.

For anything, do not deny the most natural force of soul to soul connection. The most beautiful way of connecting with the Divine.

Out of all things Dear Zainab, that your  loving father has ever taught me. It is how to converse with God, cherish Life and Love. And I will not hesitate to use any other culture's day of love as an excuse to express it. Another day, just another reason to pick a flower and send it to him.

Nothing of mine to say.

Few days before my marriage, Abu came into my room. He sat and we talked. A conversation overdue. We've always connected over a lot of things -any topic and we'd connect.

But that day. The topic was different. The topic was Ammi. I thought he'd tell me how she has been as a wife, potentially guiding me for my future. However, his conversation delved more broadly into ammi as a human.

For every single blogpost that I have ever written. Every single good thought that I may have ever expressed, shared in any way/form. Every single idea, every single spark of positivity. Every single sudden moments of hope in bleak darkness and despair, every single push when I never wanted to get up. Every single word, thought or idea. Every single way to recognise which thoughts to entertain and how to. Every single time when I fell short of absolutely anything.

Even today, I have nothing of mine to say. No thought of mine to share. Just a lesson so basic, so simple so aptly put by her all the time. Literally all the time. 'Zindagi sirf lamhaye maujood hai (Life is only in this moment, this now).'

Thank you Abu for making me realize the human she is.
Thank you Zainab for making me feel the mother she is.

Thank you Ma for all these years of positivity that I can never put in words. You showed me how to be a mother, a great wife, a wonderful companion and a human that I hope I ever am. Words fall short and start seeming cliche as I can't remove the label of being your daughter to express who you have been as a human to me and to the world around me. No degree in psychology, no self help book and no mentor can teach what you have taught me. No words can do justice.

I can perhaps never use an excuse that I didn't ever see a perfect human in my life. Ever so evolving that you make me feel old in front of you.

Sitting here today, I wish I become a mother like you. But rather I hope, wish and pray that I first become a human like you.

Happy Birthday Ma, wishing countless more moments of learning from you. Thank you for being who you are to me and to the world.

Let's talk about Perfection shall we.

Let's talk about Perfection shall we.

That little word we all strive to achieve all day. That little feeling we yearn for all the time. That place where we compare and position ourselves against the societal setup to see where we stand and why.

However. In all this vagueness and rush. Somehow, this moment gets lost. In the gush of wishes and thoughts.

At each moment. He gives. He is Just. It is His trait to Give. Rephrase. It is Him to give. Unlike of Him not to. Unlike of Him to deprive you. At each second, at the crossroads of the figment of each second, He absolutely and truly Gives. Absence of Giving is contrary to His Justice. Expecting any less is denying His justice.

In His Giving, He Gives.
In what we think is taking, He Gives.
He Gives what we need. We pick our petty selves, disguise our obsessions as needs and put them forth to be fulfilled. However, He gives. Gives of what we need the most at the moment we need the most.

He gives of a little tiny voice in our head intercepting our wandering negative thoughts.
He gives of awareness of watching our own thoughts.
He gives of little reminders helping us move forth in circumstances seemingly not joyful.
He gives of power to choose which thoughts to turn to feelings.
He gives of vision to look above and beyond our little needs and small wishes.
He gives of generosity to overlook.
He gives of for us to give.

It seems each moment, we live by facing. Face a moment. Accept it. Acknowledge it. Live it. Perfect it. It is only in perfecting each moment that we live perfection.

There is no perfect life. There are no perfect people. There are no perfectly perfect experiences. There are only wonderfully put absolute efforts to perfect each moment. Moments that meet to sustain perfection.

You don't live perfection in minutes, days, weeks or decades. You live perfection moments. You put your efforts and breathe perfection of a moment.

So look again. The place where you are, in your now, at this very moment, the way you are, this right here is a moment yearning for you to grow above your thoughts and be perfected. For He is Just, He gives you power to choose the thoughts you want to entertain. He gives you power to overcome petty wishes. He gives you power to give. He gives you power to Perfect this very moment.

Let's talk about Perfection, shall we?