Abaser - Al Khafid

I was the perfect one of my class.
I studied, planned ahead, eased exams and scored high.
Always. Every single time.
There never was ever a time where my efforts failed. Where my predictions fell short or where I felt the cause created by me would not lead me to my desired effect.

Everything seemed real. There was no struggle.

I was the perfect one of my class.
Until. I wasn't 

Something happened.
Somehow, my understanding fell short. I began lagging behind schedule. My efforts were half baked. My exams seemed difficult. I stopped easing my exams. Suddenly I wasn't too sure of my own results

There seemed to be something coming in between. In between my cause and the effect that I had anticipated. My cause was not leading to my desired effect.

It became me. Falling short. Being average. Failing. Not performing at par.

Everything seemed unreal. Except my struggle. There was struggle this time. And it was the only real thing.

I would often wonder. Marvel. At who I was. How I was the best of my class.

I suddenly began idealizing the best of me. Who I had been.

Al-Khafid. Diminishment. One of the names of God.

He often lowers us down, takes away our trust in our efforts to make us realise our dependence.

When I performed well, I did not quite know Him. Because my cause led to my effect. Led to misleading illusion of Independent Existence. Everything was illusionary that felt real because there was no struggle.

When I perfermed average, I did get to know Him. Because my cause did not lead to my effect. Instead, it led to shattering of illusions. Everything was Real because my struggle was Real.

His Realization was Real.

We come from Him and to Him we go.
Each moment of our heart is connected to Him.
Perhaps, while we sit guilty of performing less, He sits marvelling at our guilty.

In our guilt He hides His Love. In our ability to feel low and poor, lies His blessing.

In our ability to close our eyes and hope He isn't seeing us perform so bad lies His merciful  presence.

He lies in our failure to be our best in as much as He lies in our ascending to be the best.

Even our dark, our guilt, our running away from Him is meeting Him.

Because "we belong to Him and to Him we return".

So feel the joy at being an average. It was His mercy to lower you down and make you Realize of His Generosity.

In our ability to accept defeat and bow powerlessly, lies His Mercy.

Everything was real. There was no struggle. 
I was the perfect one of my class.
And then I wasn't.
And that was the best that had ever happened to me. For it led me to Him in a way never explored.
Never thought feeling away from Him was a way to meet Him