Infants, I suppose the most selfish of all beings. They don't care whether you're sitting in a wedding or starting to sip your 5th time microwaved coffee. If they need a diaper change. They do. Right at that moment. If they need your feed. They do. Be it 3am in the morning or in the middle of an airplane packed with gazillion men. If they need their mom. They need her. No matter where she is and what she is doing. A million dollar toy to babyshop toy. Nothing will soothe a baby who needs her mommy. Except well the mommy.
Zainab made me realize so. She is so beautifully selfish. So careless and selfish in what she needs of me.
I wish that was just the way I could hold onto God. Careless about how far I have walked from Him and how empty I feel of Him. Selfish about just needing Him back.
And that is one thing that Zainab has made me think about again and again and again.
To be absolutely selfish in my need of Him. To squeeze my eyes and cry out loud shattering all illusions of emptiness within. To clench unto His presence even if the mere 'I' in me is struggling to find. To nod my head and cry further in my need of Him when comforting illusions and distractions hit me. I never thought there could be something beautifully selfish. As beautifully selfish as Zainab calling for me, as beautifully selfish as clenching unto the God I miss.
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